Turbulence

I'm just thinking too much lately
When you don't feel young and
You can't think of why you're doing what you're doing and
I'm just thinking too much lately

Does anyone care for me?
You know there's you
But the loneliness comes from many sides
There are some who don't care for me

There's a problem with how the world is today
The world will never be perfect
You can defy it, deny it, or die to it
I think we're on a crumbling bridge

Sometimes i wish i could just be peter pan and fly away..
Life is cruel when one becomes an adult
Every year is harder on the mind. Do we accept or delude?
We aren't kids anymore

The world is broken
Try your hardest to find something to correct
Try my hardest at what though?
the only stuff i like is the stuff on my blog
rather than live for something...live for someone

I really wish i could change something
You can.
But i don't know where to start...and who would listen to me if i did?
We will
But remember what you sacrifice for throwing yourself to a cause.
I would trade my life for another shot at the who that I can no longer live for.

Loyalty

Humans are very loyal creatures. That's quite a statement for me to make, especially considering that I consider most of us to be incredibly fickle. Stay with me, however, and maybe you'll see things as I do.

I was reading a newspaper today about how my university had to undergo 10.3 million dollars in cuts due to funding issues. My initial reaction was to blame the Republicans for this shortcoming that will cause 39 people to lose their jobs. In immediate hindsight, I became ashamed of this reaction for two reasons. The first was that I've been trying for a very long time to separate myself from my Democratic upbringing and become fully independent in my thinking. The second was that the Governor - who made the cuts - is a Democrat. Whoops.

I kept reading, and to my further dismay I now found myself sympathysing with the decision to make the cuts. After all, $10 million isn't really so much for such a large university.... and considering they employ thousands if not tens of thousands of people to keep it running, 39 isn't that much. I'd completely changed how I felt about the situation based solely on a party loyalty that I thought I had eliminated! So much for being independent.

This, of course, got me to thinking. We, as humans are very loyal creatures. To our opinions, to our lifestyles, to institutions, etc. We'll go as far as to stay loyal even when it's not in our best interests. We resist change (even if we say we embrace it), this is a fundamental part of the human psyche. If I haven't convinced you yet, let me introduce you to a little concept known as brand loyalty.

Quick! Coke or Pepsi?! McDonnalds or Burger King!? Nike or Adidas!? Dominoes, Pappa John's or Pizza hut!? Convinced yet? What have these brands ever done to win your loyalty? Are their competitors really so bad that you'll choose your 'preference' all but always?

Of course, it's not limited to the corporate world. We tend to have other, more fundamental, loyalties that tend to define who we are if we let them. I'm sure sometime in your life you have come into contact with both of our friends on the religious battlefield. On one side, we have the man who believes in a book because it tells him to. On the other, we have the man who claims to have an open mind, denounces the other man for his closed mindedness, and refuses to even consider the views of the other. Neither will ever change unless something deeply personal forces the change upon them.

So what does this mean for you, the reader? Well, to tell the truth, I'm not sure. However, I think I see this as a kind of problem. Either though, I can propose no solution to you, me, or the world... Identifying the problem is still progress.

Red

Look!
You can no longer delude!
Look down to this world
This pit you have brewed

Are you blind?
The fanciful glade?
That foul facade?
Face the fester you've made!

But no, turn away
Like your hypocrite kin
There is no decay
This is not your sin

Imbecile!
If we wish to this world renew
It must start with one
It must start with you!

The Packing

Layers upon layers of human life
Soils the floor
Squalid
And yet,
It is my life

And I tell myself
These things do not define me
And yet,
They do

Under the bed a gift never given
It's just an old guitar strap now
And yet,
The friend to whom it would belong
Feels the same

In an old book there's a phone number
I remember who that person used to be
Changed now
And yet,
I am too

Entangled in the mass of computer parts
There is a failed art project
Stupid of me to think I could tell a beautiful story
And yet,
Maybe I could have
Maybe I can

But there's no time, I must pack
Memories are nice, but there's no room
in a dorm
And so,
They're left

Damn it!
The tears should be over now!
The people are still here, alive!
And yet
A part me, of us
is dead.

Quite neatly tucked down
In the bottom desk drawer
Lies the wide ruled paper
Scrawled out on a floor
This ancient contract
Of the friendship of four


Writing is just a distraction
And yet,
It is the release

Two questions

Choose carefully, as the answers are important.

Do you live more in the pursuit of that which you think will bring pleasure or experiencing pleasure?

Do you think we are sufficiently complex enough to understand our own complexity?

Of Reality and Ideals

Respectively presented for your consideration:

For those of you who haven’t met me already, please allow me to flaunt my ego for the moment and introduce myself. I’m an everyperson; I have no name, but you may call me X if you wish. My favorite color is black, the question mark is my preferential punctuation and I enjoy long walks through the mind. But enough about me, please tell me about you.

Do you think of yourself as a realist or an idealist? Choose carefully! Realists are stone-faced pessimists and idealists are detached dreamers who will never get by in real life. They belong to completely opposite sides of the spectrum… or so society tells us. In my picture of reality (and remember, you always have the option to define what reality is) they are less different. Realists see the world as what it is, idealists see the world as what it can be. To truly have an impact on this floating sphere we call home, I believe you must possess a little of both. After all, I doubt anybody would argue that we live in a perfect world. In addition, I believe that most everyone wants to influence our world in some way. To bring about a change you must know where you are and where you wish to go, otherwise you’re libel to lose yourself. So find yourself a balance.

Reality is often hard to take, we tend to separate ourselves into fantasy worlds where a misfortune didn’t occur or we befel marvelous fortune. This only makes being pulled back into reality the more painful. If you wish to truly find reality I believe you must deal with it head on the moment it comes for you. Let arrogant reality know that you’re the boss and you can take whatever it can dish out… you’ll be surprised at what the human mind is capable of when put to the task.

However, there’s something in those fantasy worlds that we create that has a certain draw to us… to human nature as a whole. Perhaps yours is where innocents aren’t killed daily or one where the word 'integrity' is more than just a noun. Understanding what is worth fighting for is just as important as dealing with the hand reality has dealt you. Because we all have the power to make the world a better place, we all have dreams – that insuperable power of the human spirit. Don’t let reality tell you that you can’t have that, deny reality the power to continue as it does without regard.

Now because it is against my style to leave without a question, I present to you these: Why is the world the way it is? Did realists just watch and let it happen? Did idealists envision it this way? Who are you to challenge the system? What is it to challenge you?

Best of luck!

And I must have stumbled into an area akin to Nascar

Life is like driving a car in reverse.
We have no way of knowing where we're going and can only see what's already past us. The furthest landmarks are beginning to blend with the horizon and the only hint for how to steer comes from what we've already passed.

Life is like driving a car in reverse. We don't remember how we got in or why we hit the gas and we're hoping to hell that we don't crash.

Life's Funny

If there is a single, undeniable fact about life, this would be it. Life is naturally funny. How often we seem to overlook this fact. How often we forget to laugh a little, even when it may hurt or feel wrong somehow. I once had a very good friend tell me,

"Don't take life too seriously, after all, you're not getting out of it alive."

Morbid isn't it? But at the same time oddly funny. That's the point.

Comedy is often referred to as the lowest form of art. However, in my view, the point of art is to either evoke an emotion or provoke a thought. Good comedy does both. The comic is even sometimes better at explaining life to us than the deepest novels, plays, essays or poems.

Like I said, life's funny.

Plus, the comic does something else! He evokes an emotion that makes us feel good! Laughter, after all, is a part of the human experience that should be taken very seriously.

Now, because I couldn't resist the bad pun, I'd like to illustrate what I mean about the comic artist, through the use of... comics!



Bill Watterson is one of my favorite comic artists. He has the ability to make his comics work on many levels to appeal to whatever a person may look for in it. There's always the punchline at the end but usually there are deep thoughts and conclusions to be drawn from his comic if one takes the time to dwell on it.



As a man in the public eye - or rather - a man putting "stuff" in front of said public eye, he could use his position and his humor to address issues that he felt were important to himself and the world.



He could show off the deepest thoughts of his being. Pay close attention to Calvin's description of his sculpture.



Or the comic artist can simply show off his skill at poetry. Read the comic, then read it again and notice how perfectly the poem flows with the different panels creating pauses in the poem.



And all the time the comic artist is showing something basic and primal about human nature in a humorous manner.

Now in stark contrast, another favorite artist of mine is Tatsuya Ishida. Although he was inspired by Watterson's work in Calvin and Hobbes His style of comedy is quite different, relying on the basis of human nature that is offensive or now considered unacceptable for much of his humor. Still, he manages to express himself and human nature quite well - in some ways better than Watterson himself since he isn't bound by a syndicate to publish his work, he can say whatever he feels like.

Whether it be about self pity or passing wishes of nonexistance



Or about the stark contrast between ideals and actions.



What amazes me most about the comic artist is the ability to relate to each of us in a way that can make us laugh. Sometimes it may amaze us in it's simple profoundness



Or in it's ability to show us ourselves.



For those of you who keep up with my blog. This comic was written approximately 2 months after my Inner Peace posting... and it still amazes me how exactly that last comic hits the mark.

Thanks for reading and remember: Don't take life too seriously or you'll never have time to stop and laugh

a Song for tomorrow

We've always known it'd end like this
And in our last song together
You'd play the notes I've played a thousandfold
And I'd march off, fighting the tears
We all knew would come

Why!? We knew it'd end
But yet, you and I, we kept at it
Through sun and storm
The shouting, the laughter
Long afternoons, those early, cold mornings
And yes, through that pile of fresh manure
At the Christmas Parade

So what made it?
Was it the day we got our music?
Knowing we'd just make ourselves sick of it
We played that sheet of more black than white
While our Chief grinned and covered his ears
Or was it that sectional in the storage room,
Where we were nearly crushed by the sax shelf?
I suppose we never did find out who did that
Perhaps it's not important

The little minutes maybe:
Trying desperately to hit that high note in my solo
Or having my face turn a remarkable shade of crimson
When my voice cracked
As freshmen were called to dismiss

Taking a ride for the first time
Barely able to stand on cardboard legs
Which never seemed to improve with time
Or pouring my song out to the drum major
Whose smile stopped my heart

How about when we came together?
It happened every year.
And every year we seemed to improve just a little, just enough
To hear our song for the first time
After playing it a hundred times before

Of course there were the People
Some friends, some not
but all together in it

We sang, yes, the band sang
Ironically, only on the bus
And only returning from somewhere
But Bohemian Rhapsody was a must
...maybe what made it was trust
Trust to set the song up
Trust to play it right
Trust that when you messed up
To tell you "It's alright"
Trust we'll play the show
Trust that jazz band will come
Either though
Second semester seemed oh so far
And marching had just begun

Yes
It was all these things and more
And as I walk down the isle
And as you play that tune
Remember, my heart is not at the podium
Nor with my class
My parents, family, or friends
Right now, for one last brief second
I'm sitting in row three, seat two.

Song Born in Dream - Chart of my Destiny

The winds of habit
Change
The rock we cherished
Deranged
And what we find
And what we do
We knew this 'soul'
Would never, never
make
...Me whole

So here am I
And searching I find
The no where I start
Is not on that chart
...of my desity

You found me here
How nice
You brought me only
your vice!
And what'd you think
Would bring me down?
This man you knew is
already beneath the ground!

So here am I
And searching I find
The no where I start
Is not on that chart
...of my desity

Looking for me?

You could try looking for me in the music or typing away at my keyboard. Perhaps you’d find me wrestling a photon and two of its buddies in first block or maybe you’d catch me with my hand in the cookie jar. Sometimes you’d see me staring up at the night sky asking the I Am “why!?”. If you looked hard enough you could find me in the words of my poems or trapped under a philosophical landslide (Surely you know the feeling when you move that one rock and a million questions tumble out on top of you). However, It’d be best to assume you’d most likely find me simply talking with friends or lost in thought in my room.

Always two, never more

Face it. The world is more black and white than we ever care to believe. Sades of grey are merely specific combinations of black and white. When you get right down to it, the world operates in binary.

Binary, two options, yes and no, on and off, good and evil, whatever you want to throw in its place it's still true. Whenever you are presented with one option in life, there's always the yang, the opposite.

The ability to not.

You have two choices: do something or don't. Deal with a problem or don't. Live or Die. They're always open to you. Of course, depending on your answer to any number of questions presented to you in life there's always the follow up questions. Let's run through an example with our friends Q and A, shall we?

Q: What do you want out of life?

A: That's not the correct first question. "Do you want something out of life?" is the most basic.

Q: Alright.

A: Yes, I want something out of life

Q: Is it rational or irrational?

A: Rational

Q: Then I may assume that it is selfish?

A: Of course

Q: Do you want to get this something inwardly through only yourself or outwardly through all the world has to offer viewed through the portal of self?

A: Through the world

Q: Will you glean what you wish to get out of life from one source?

A: No, I will use many

Q: Do you wish to find it in the body or the mind?

A: I wish to find it in the spirit

And thus color is brought to the world.

Inner Peace

People often talk about something they call "inner peace" in a heightened manner of one talking about a far off plateau or a unattainable goal that's always worth reaching for or perhaps as part of a path to some form of enlightenment. I'd like to take a moment and reflect upon how completely full of crap those people are.

Now, I'm sure you're at least a bit weirded out by now... but that's okay, I'm pretty sure you'll be even more so after I've said my peace. I'm also afraid that this entry will be rather self centered... forgive me, but all I know is myself.

I think I may have discovered at least a part of what people so loftily refer to as this inner peace. I find it hard to describe exactly what it feels like. It's somewhat like having the last third of a jigsaw puzzle fall into place by itself or having somebody whisper in your ear "It will be alright" as you try futilely to fall asleep. But what I find even harder to describe is how I found this - feeling.... this deep, primal feeling. There was no thought process that lead to a new conclusion or outlook on life, there was no book that spoke some ancient secret to my soul... it really just happened. In fact, the timing itself makes no sense. With the shootings at Virginia Tech last week and the forthcoming shattering of my life in the fall, you'd think I'd be an emotional wreck... I think I should too... but I'm not.

I passed a graveyard today. Under normal circumstances that's one of the scariest things to undertake in a human life... to look upon those that have fallen and know that that is your fate as well. However, today for some reason it wasn't like that... I think I was finally able to grasp what a graveyard really is - a tribute to all those of my fellow human beings who have LIVED LIFE. Maybe they lived it to the fullest, maybe they didn't, maybe there is no such thing as living life to the fullest... they all lived it though. That was enough to make me feel honored to be in their presence... in the presence of those before me.

It's odd... I feel changed, and yet I don't. Nothing will change about me... whatever it is I've found is inner if nothing else. I will still follow my passions with the utmost, well, passion. I am still myself... and yet I feel ready. Ready to face my life in the fall, ready to live life.... and ready to die when my time comes. I'm happy to be alive and happy for the chance I've been given. I don't know what the chance is for... and I don't think that this peace will last... but here and now I am at thankful.

So back to you, the reader.

I may not know you, person on the other side of the screen, but I know you are alive. I don't have any answers for you or ways to achieve what it may be that you want in life. However, I share with you and in you the force of human life. The ability to live. You haven't wasted it... I don't think anybody has. And either though I may not know you, I hope from the depth of my being that you will find your own peace.... and know that everything will be alright. Thank you for reading and good luck... that's all I can wish you

Life's Funny

In so many ways life is funny... but right now I guess I'll just mention quickly how a state of mind... or perhaps awareness can change anything.

Something caught me completely off guard today... it was something my band teacher said. For those of you who don't know, she's only five years older than me, perhaps less, but she gets it. She gets music, she gets life or at least gets it from my perspective... she makes that evident in how she teaches.

Regardless, I was caught off guard... we were talking about dynamics -a common enough topic- when she said, "You could be playing a symphony and nobody would know unless you made yourself heard!"

I'm sure she didn't mean for it to be taken figuratively, but I did anyways. I guess that's really a truth of life. If you want to be heard, rcognized, understood, loved, you have to put yourself out there; you have to make yourself heard. You have to make sure that you don't let life happen to you; that you happen to life. Make the world remember you or suffer the consequence of never having tried.

Life Lost

They call me Individual
And so I sit alone
This new warmth reminds me
after all
It was about a year ago
And so
I let my mind take me then again
Let the trees unbud, the rain arise
And there he was again, in front of me

He was just a child, I see that now
Although he didn't say it, I knew
He had lost his life
Or maybe never found it
Either way, he was without

I offered to help and he
He accepted, I'm not sure he should have
He told me about it
Described how it made him laugh, made him cry
And I, having no thought or clue
As where to search
Looked anywhere I could

I must have told my brother
He found the boy
Gave him his life
But soon the boy was gone
The rain fell and somebody else stood where
He had been

This new man and my brother left
And then it was winter
And now again it's spring
And now they call me Individual
And so I sit alone

Thirty Three

Thirty Three
And now it's Thirty Three
It should have been two
But, no there wasn't enough
Coordination apparently
Although
When two people are shot
And dead
You would think people would react
Rather than move on
But they weren't the ones dead
So that's what they did

Thirty Three
Thirty Three! The insolence!
That a number could hope to represent
Those human lives
These people had names!
Dreams!
Identities!
Thirty Three raised to infinity
But no, Thirty Three is how
They'll be remembered
Ridiculous!

Thirty Three
So what?
In the time those 33 were shot
Hundreds of others died
But do we care about them?
No!
People are shallow!
People die, it's what we do best!
Those thirty three fulfilled their
Birth given duty
Hopefully
They had the foresight
To make the time count
One did
He may have not done it in a good way at all
But he left a scar on the earth
That will not in my lifetime fade

Thirty Three
Thirty Three families deserted
Thirty Three potentials erased
Thirty Three churches one emptied
Thirty Three souls in heaven
Or more likely Thirty Two
But who am I to Judge
Perhaps it was only one
Or even none

Thirty Three
Freed spirits, Tell me!
For I always thought
That the 'winds of change' was
A tired platitude
But
Today the winds howled
Like the mothers
And the Husbands and the Wives
Of those who taught
And were taught
On this cold, cold
April

Thirty Three!
They have attained immortality
The set, tuner and web
Closed in
Before the skin was cooled
Shocked them into un
life
And they are forced to live
And they are forced into my life
And this undead army
of Thirty Three
Will change our world

Thirty Three?!
I was there but two days ago!
I must have seen some of their faces
God!
Now they're gone
And I never got to meet him or her
...as far as I know
But I saw them
They were just like me
But for an accident of 6 hours
They could have been me
Or I them
For 6 hours earlier in delivery
I would have been there now
And in thirty three days
I leave my school
For theirs
And in Three months and thirty days
I join

A tale of two days

To put it simply
Yesterday was a
disaster
And as these days do
It drug on, on
Faster and faster
And as these days are
I failed at all
I thought myself master

But!
Karma replied prompt
And luck was swapped

For today all
and everything worked well!
Again, I excelled
And once more the notes fell
into place
where the simplest person could tell
who I was
what I was
And where my soul dwells

Now excuse my manners for a time
For now I abandon all rhyme
And break the fourth wall

Tomorrow's the trouble
It terrifies me
Since Karma is callous
And Future's so grave
You! Never trust him
Or rely on his ways
For tomorrow determines
The rest of my life

Happiness... or meaning?

Recently I was watching a television show called Heroes. Great plot, great action, but it threw something completely unexpected at me.... philosophy. One of the 'villain's of the show posed this challenge to a character: "There come a time when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning."

Now, same as I would have, the character replied simply "Both." to which the response was even more interesting.

"Can't be done. Two very different paths. To be truly happy, a man must live absolutely in the present, no thought of what's gone before and no thought of what lies ahead. But a life with meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past and obsess about the future."

Now this got me thinking. Over the past few months I've based my life off the fact that I should be pursuing happiness in my life, little else other than to serve God. Perhaps I've lost my way... perhaps I haven't... but this does make an interesting question:

Is to live only in the pursuit of happiness selfish? Surely it isn't if doing good things makes you happy... but what about those things that are neither good nor bad... or the wicked which brings pleasure? No, it seems as if the pursuit of happiness isn't what it's all about... it can be corruptible, it can be warped.

But is to live solely for a life of meaning any better? You can make your life mean whatever you want it to, after all, reality is only a state of mind. So what does it mean to make your life meaningful? Does it mean leaving a mark? Does it mean satisfying some preset purpose? Does it mean determining a purpose and fulfilling it? Does it mean touching others? Again, we find the corruptible... such as humanity is fated to be.

But does "wallowing in the past" serve any good purpose? Sure! we must learn from our mistakes! But to agonize over the past and the future... that can't be all chalk up my existence to? Can it? Only by what I've accomplished in life? The external marks I've left? What if those marks are scars?

What if I've made other people's life's happy, but neglected my own? Should I count my life as success or failure? Why do I feel the need to think about life as success or failure? After all, it's neither... it's just life.

The night sky

Interesting isn't it? Everyone has looked at it with awe, wonder, or fear at least once. Actually, that same sky means so many things to so many people. It's been virtually the same since the dawn of mankind... it's a link to our past... and our future. No matter what, those same stars will keep on shining down on this giant floating rock we call home.

Sometimes lovers look at the sky and see their unbound love in it. Other times, when they're separated they'll look at it and seeing the same thing from thousand of miles away, they won't feel as far apart.

A scientist may look at it and see the vast expanse of the universe: planets, galaxies, clusters, nebula, the list goes on. A sad man may look up and see the blackness with despair. A happy may may look up and see those pinpricks of light with hope.

Regardless, we've all seen it, and we all wonder about it, and we're all in awe of it. Whether it's awe for God's creation, awe for this life we're given, awe for the sheer beauty or terror we see in it. It's something that we all have in common, something we all share, something that connects all of us, something that makes up the condition of human existence.

Bus Ride

Child sitting behind me
Why do you try to blot out their world?
those headphones can't protect
That music, their music, is empty

Child sitting in front of me
Why do you destroy his world?
He did you no wrong, only
Tried to be himself

Child siting between them
Do you really think you can make a difference
Their worlds and yours
Can never exist together

Forgotten

The spring air smells of a long forgotten song
I feel its rhythm in the breeze
Now strong, now fast, then abruptly gone
Then again, my mind is seized

Of a snatch of melody, seen in the grass
But then, once more it leaves
My mind to wander, to try to grasp
This curious disease

The budding trees, their tempo taunting
Does little to appease
I wrack my mind, no use it's gone!
And the smallest part of me dies

Unwritten

They run through her head
playing with her thoughts
teasing the ears
pulling at her fingers

But she
she never learned
that skill, the act
of placing notes on paper

But she laughs
and agrees to play with them
a minute only
for their unborn sake

But too soon she's gone
She's work to do
and bills to pay
and children to feed

They smile and wave goodbye
Promising to return
She smiles back sadly
As the song dies

Finality

I'm in it
The fatal
haze

This new warmpth
Chills me to the
bone
But I can't change
it
I can't
Resist

I'm not even
sad
I can't change this
destiny

A destiny
The destiny
I clearly see it through this
haze

I can't change it
can't fight
can't stop
can't
resist

And the haze peirces
my soul
And kills a part of
me

And the rest goes on

or will go on

And I'll stay here
in these words
in my mind
in my friends

Truth

Because I could not write the truth
Pure originality
I tried to find another way
To express the inner me

But no, these words, these now clichés
Are wrong in others eyes
These notes I write and lines I play
The same as some before

All subjects dead, all feelings said
Unique becomes cliché
And searching for some inner more
I find nothing to say

So dies myself in those before
Who said what I would say
To keep myself, my inner me
Perpetually at bay

At last all inner and all outer
This poem no exception
Is trapped within our history
Our devious contraption

The "calm" before

As the movie rolled, they didn't notice the shadowy figure slip inside. The intruder carried a bundle in one arm and stayed in the prevailing darkness until the conclusion.

As the film drew to a close, Prime looked leisurely about and noticed that there was a visitor. This wasn't unusual following a movie, people tended to appear all the time during them. He called out the usual greeting.

"Welcome to Conscious Thought. Please state your name and business."

"You already know me" came the reply with a sneer.

The others began to stir even before the figure stepped out of the shadows.

Prime, seated by Order and Reason would have nothing of that in their presence. He repeated himself icily "Please state your name and your business"

Leisurely the figure came into full view to face his audience

"And as you already know, I have no name." He looked indignantly across the room. "Some of you" he said looking to Order, Reason, and Intellect in turn" might try to call me envy, or wistfulness, or perhaps longing. The last might be the closest, but I am none of those. You've dealt with them before, they're easier to keep locked away then I am. They can be kept from causing trouble...

However, as you see I'm impossible to keep out... at least under the current circumstances. You've all deceived yourselves. No matter how carefully you hide me, no matter how tightly you seal this realm, I'll find a way in."

Anger and Frustration shifted in their seats. Calm put up a pacifying hand.

Glancing briefly at the two, he continued.

"I know you all feel it. You've been oppressed by your oh-so-wise rulers. They've kept you at bay Freedom and Spirit, along with Impulse and Intuition. Look to your leaders. They're corrupting your Wisdom in his youth. Let the kid know all of you if he's to turn out true."

Those who had been mentioned shuffled in their corner, while Wisdom stared at his toes.

"That's quite enough!" barked Prime. We've only just established this peace and balance and now you're threatening it again!? We may not be able to keep you out, but we'll not give you any heed! Please leave now!"

"Oh, but I don't plan on it this time" he sneered again "I see what others can't. For example, that Fear is cowering behind your desks Reason, Order, Habit, Logic, and even yours, Patience. You've abused your functions, overstepped your bounds and I'm here to make sure this doesn't continue." He sat down in an empty chair.

"You can't sit there!" clamored Order "That seat has been reserved since birth!"

"Oh can't I?" came the response "Have you already forgotten who you've reserved it for? Do you remember who this is reserved for by birthright!?" Looking around in scorn, he went on. "Well, I'll tell you" he said as he began to undo his burden, the small bundle he'd in his arm for the extent.

"This seat belongs to Passion!" and he brought the infant into full view. The room erupted into banter, which was quickly silenced again as the speaker continued.

"Yes, you always thought he'd come in here fully grown and developed, I'm well aware of what you thought. However, you were out of your mind. It won't just happen! Things this precious need to be raised and nurtured before he can take his rightful place and you should have known that!" He rose and placed the babe in his chair. "But because you didn't, I've brought him here from the festering corners of your realm. He is my charge and he is the reason I will not leave."

Arrogance had risen and was now standing with Prime. Seemingly together they roared at their intruder, the war-maker.

"We will have this no longer! Leave the child and go. He may be pure, but you are not and there is no use, nor welcome for you here. There is a peace here, and you won't be disturbing it again!"

Shaking his head, the speaker walked to a seat nobody remembered having seen before.

"You're wrong again, can't you see that's why I'm here? I have supporters here, one's you'll never know" Staring at Reason and company. "Look at the back of this desk. Do you see the "x" on it? The mark of the unknown? Two seats are filled today, this one is mine. But before I take my seat at your 'council', I believe it's time for a change of mind."

At his word, the room was engulfed in chaos. Desks collapsed, the people took up their arms, and pandemonium reigned throughout the Realm.

Life with the Masks

To those people sleeping in
Pull your blankets higher
Up and over your face
And hide in the black of your night

Only The Mask can save you
Take those North Face Jackets
The American Eagle and Aeropostle
Quilt them together to protect

Place your creams and paints in a circle for illusion
Arrange the magazines in the center to support
Finally, light the candle
And renounce yourself

Only then will you receive The Mask
Receive The Mask and enter The Order
Only then will you find happiness
Only then will you be perfect

But don't expect to find me there
Because as you dreamed Gold
I got out of the bed.

Lets talk about technology

Our lives are ruled more and more by technology what with various gadgets and gizmos making our lives continuously "easier". Computers are becoming more and more prevalent everywhere and of course the all-encompassing Internet is never absent in anybody's life anymore. Few people seem to be objecting and on most accounts I welcome more technology into my life (I know, I'm a nerd. Sue me). However, there's one little device that scares me to almost no end.

I'm talking about personal tracking systems. It's very, very possible that in the not-so-distant future something like this could become mainstream along with the other technology we embrace oh so readily. Think about it, parents would have to worry less about losing a child. If somebody went missing, we could find them! In fact you could know where all your friends were at any time if they shared their information with you. If you took it a step further, we'd be able to eliminate the need to carry ID around and make background checks on any Joe off the street a breeze! Sounds amazing, right?

Well, I lied about the near future part, really. The technology is with us now; at least simple versions of it. You can now have pets chipped so you can locate them if they get lost. Cellular phone services are offering tracking devices on their products so you can know where your friends (or children) are at any time. Finally, in many states sex-offenders (and in one state former gang members) are forced to wear identifying, tracking ankle bracelets.

So what about it scares me? Let's assume that in the future, it's made almost completely necessary by society (even if not by law) to be chipped. Employers wouldn't hire non-chips, you couldn't get on a plane or into certain buildings without a chip, etc. This might make it so that anybody or anybody with the right connections could possibly look you up at any time. There goes any right to privacy we may have ever had. Now stay with me for this next part, I feel like it's going to need some explaining.

Does a person have the right to pretend they're something they're not? I'm not talking about stuff on the scale of identity theft, more along the lines of starting a new life in a new place with a new name. I'm also not saying that it's necessarily a moral decision to run away from one's problems, but is it criminal if nobody is hurt in the process? The scenario of running away and starting anew might be associated with criminals, but what about the office man who desperately wants a new life, or the family with the constant threat of abuse, really anybody on the run from anything. Our authority's are not infallible, can we really trust them with our names, all we might have left? Is it a right to be able to reject the labels others put on you?

Finally, on the note of the sex offenders and former gang members, something still rubs me the wrong way. Again, don't get me wrong, if anybody needs to be chipped, it'd be people like these. I'm sure it's reduced both gang violence and sexual abuse. If you break the law, you lose your freedoms. It's completely justified!... and yet, I can't get rid of the feeling that something's wrong with it. Perhaps it's an inner fear of being pinned into a situation, or something I've mentioned above, or something I can't even identify yet...whatever it is, I can't shake that feeling. There's no reason that I should sympathise with people in these situations, and yet I do. Not for their criminal aspects, but for that undeniable human one in all of us. People can reform, it's something I wish we supported programs for in prison or jail, but we can't take these trackers off now that we've put them on. It wouldn't be allowed... and so we become locked in and take one more step towards a chipped society.

Gah! Another of these poems!?

Was I sleeping?
Yesterday, while the others suffered?
Did they even exist?
Or was it a dream?

Am I sleeping now?
What have I done?
If my actions make me
Who am I?

If they never were, then
where were you?
If you never were, then
who am I?

Tomorrow, when I wake
...or think I do
What shall I say of today?

Tomorrow, when I wake
or think I do
All that matters
Is if I'm lying next to you.

Happiness

It's what I search for... a personal search for meaning in my life. After all, in all but a very very few situations, everything we do in life is in the pursuit of happiness. Sure, you can get smart with me and maybe say that going to school doesn't make you happy. However, if you go there by your own free will, it's in pursuit of some future reward. If you go unwillingly, it's because there's some force keeping you in...a force which, disobeyed, would bring you more unhappiness then school.

If you really want to get smart about it, you could go and do something completely random just to prove me wrong. Sadly, completing such an act causes you pleasure or satisfaction at your ability to disprove me... in it's own right, happiness.

It's a fleeting thing after all... Today, when between schools, I realized that I was happy. Genuinely and truly happy with my life at the current point in time. I had just come from doing something I found pleasurable (working with computers) and was on my way to band, which I enjoy immensely. To top it off, the song on the radio was perfect to sing along to. Of course, at this point you can cue Murphy's Law. No sooner than I had realized my happiness I managed to find two dead cats and an ambulance in quick succession.

Perhaps we can feel guilty when we are happy.... after all, we know that whenever we're joyful, another's sad. With every birth a death is inevitable. Every time we're fed, another person goes hungry. Empathy combined with the problems of the world makes for a sad state of affairs. Is it wrong to feel happy?

I think not. If one stops feeling joy on the behalf of others, isn't that just turning them into the people who are taking away the joy in the first place?

Wanting

You know the story
Perhaps the only one, yes
The only one man has ever known
Or ever will...

Finding something one desires
So in private we conspire
To either place it on our shelf
Or make it part of self

Or, perhaps in some rare cases
With some faint traces
In far off places
Or in the comfort of one's mind
When you come to find
That you've been blind

There's something that's different
Something so old, something so new
You want it so bad, that want
In leiu, is proven untrue
So believe me when I say
What I need
Is you

The Beginning

I'm new at this, which you can obviously see by this first post. I made this blog for a number of reasons...perhaps you'll come to see them fulfilled. First and foremost, I feel that I need to get thoughts out. Letting them sit alone in my head does little good for myself or anybody else. I have no great expectations of this experiment becoming vastly popular, or of even gaining more than a single reader. However, just talking, even if it's to myself might do some good....might prompt some thought...might change a life. One never does really know; after all I do subscribe to the butterfly effect.

You know, on second thought maybe there was only one reason for me to make this. One fully unselfish reason that is. You see, I'm a jealous person. I envy those who can express their innermost thoughts with the utmost ease. Perhaps it's that I need a larger vocabulary...not bigger words, just better ones. However, if I'm lucky what I need is practice. My inspiration is a person who goes by many names and has enough thoughts to fill each one of them. I fully recommend his blog to anybody who has stumbled (or perhaps more than stumbled) across this one. You may find him here http://adamantexile.blogspot.com/